───● The Tsundere OL Smiles ●○●

One day has passed since I was rejected by Masato.

Yesterday, I slept at home the whole time. When I realized it, it was evening, and I couldn’t work up the motivation to do anything.

It is now Sunday night. It was lucky that tomorrow happens to be a public holiday. Honestly speaking, even if tomorrow came, I don’t know if I could have gone to work. Even getting up was a hassle.

Pressing my head, which was throbbing perhaps from oversleeping, I open my smartphone.

Naturally, there are no notifications in particular.

Meaninglessly, I open the messaging SNS. At the very top of the screen, the characters 《Masato》 remain, un-deleted after all. I just stare at that text string… and throw my smartphone onto the bed.

Even though I can’t sleep anymore, I lie on my back, covering my eyes with my right hand. During that time, the memories of these past few months swirled around in my head.

‘I know that you are a kind person, Seira-san.’

I can recall his expression as if it were yesterday. Every word emitted from him felt comfortable to my heart.

The time spent together was more fun than anything. Since meeting Masato. I looked forward to every Friday, and just that became the vitality to live.

Now that I’ve lost even that… what is left?

Back to those days of living out of habit.

“Like I could forget… no way. No, Masato…!”

I can’t give up. A boy I feel I could dedicate my life to. I don’t think I’ll ever meet such a person again. Or rather, a better man than Masato absolutely does not exist in this world.

The back of my hand covering my eyes became damp before I knew it. Since yesterday, this happens as soon as I’m awake; I hate it.

Since I can’t sleep, I pick up my smartphone again to watch a video or something to distract myself.

“…!”

At that moment. One icon caught my eye, and my breath stopped.

‘Memo Pad’

I know what is written in the application displayed as such.

My heart suddenly started racing. With trembling hands, I tapped the memo pad icon.

Of course, it remains. Masato’s address, which I wrote down that day, I stalked him in his casual clothes. As long as I have this, I can go to his house.

Emotions far too black began to rampage.

I thought I should stop. I thought I should cut ties. I can feel the ugly emotions squirming within my chest.

My body, which had no energy to move, rose naturally.

I went to the washstand and checked the mirror. A terrible face. With a face like this, I can’t possibly meet Masato.

My brilliant idea that I realized when I looked at the address.

I just have to create a fait accompli. If I connect with him, surely this heart will be satisfied, and he won’t leave me.

It’s Masato’s fault for rejecting me. Masato, who drove me this crazy and then rejected me.

So, it’s fine to make him mine, even if it’s a bit forceful.

Okay. For that purpose, I have to be the most beautiful “me” within my capabilities, right?

I wash my face and put on makeup. I choose my favorite clothes, too. Put on perfume. After getting ready to go out, I stood in front of the mirror one more time.

Yup. Passing grade. With this, he’ll think I’m cute.

But, I just can’t make myself smile. Why is that? I should be happy that I can meet Masato. No, no, if I don’t smile, I’m not cute. Masato praised me, too. ‘A smile suits you, Seira-san.’

So I force the corners of my mouth up. Making a smile.

“—Wait for me, Masato.”

It felt like a terribly distorted smile.

■

Masato’s house is a short walk from the station of that Boys’ Bar. If you go through the park where the river flows and enter the residential area, it’s right there.

I get off the train. Naturally, my mood was elevated. After all, I can see Masato.

It’s already late. But it doesn’t matter. No, it might actually be convenient.

I pass through the ticket gate and start walking. Matching my elevated mood, I can hear the beating of my heart clearly. I’m not tired, yet for some reason, I’m out of breath.

Walking a bit and entering the park, the same scenery as that day reflects in my eyes. The slightly old streetlights. The bridge crossing the small stream, faintly illuminated by the lights. My pace quickens.

Ah, my beloved Masato.

When I push that cute face of his down today with my own hands, pinning him down… what kind of expression will he make, and exactly what kind of feeling will I—?

Piron, a notification sounded.

…? Who is it? There hadn’t been a single SNS notification for about two days. Just as I was getting into a good mood, cold water was thrown on it. Roughly, I take out my smartphone from my pocket.

“…!”

Seeing that notification, my breath stopped once again.

《Masato》‘Seira-san, I’m sorry about Friday.’

《Masato》‘I want to apologize properly, so if you’d like, could we talk? If meeting directly is difficult, even a phone call…’

My feet stop.

…Why.

“Why, now of all times.”

My elevated mood cools down all at once. My arms hung down limply.

Apologize? The one who has to apologize is me.

‘I’m sorry. You’re… a little scary today, Seira-san.’

At that time, Masato was undoubtedly frightened.

Because I gave myself over to my lust and approached him vulgarly, I terrified him—kind, bright him.

And today.

What was I trying to do again?

“Ah-aah…”

Looking up, something fell from the pitch-black, stagnant night sky.

Rain. By the time I realized, the sound of rain grew loud enough to fill my ears.

The continuous sound of rain links together.

Come to think of it, I don’t have an umbrella.

…It’s always like this.

Swallowed by waves of uncontrollable emotion, days of self-loathing.

Can I start over? Even a version of me this ugly, this base—

“…Huh?”

My heart jumped.

I know this voice. No, I know it too well. Faster than my brain can comprehend, my body knows the owner of this voice better than anyone.

“Seira-san?”

“Masa..to…?”

Holding an umbrella and standing there in casual clothes was my beloved person. My destined person.

Thinking about it, it was natural. This park is on the shortest route from the station to his house. If he had gone out, passing through here is a natural thing.

It’s over. If he asks, “Why are you here?” If he sees his address written in the memo pad on my smartphone. There is no excuse; it is a crime.

My emotions became a mess, my mind went blank, and as I couldn’t say anything, Masato approached me, still looking surprised.

“Seira-san, why aren’t you using an umbrella? You’ll catch a cold.”

Involuntarily, I stepped back.

It was like fleeing from my own sin.

“Seira-san, behind you!”

“…Eh?”

Was it because I was too panicked? I had forgotten. That behind me was the stream.

The sensation of cold water against my body, already chilled by the rain. Simultaneously, I lose my footing and balance.

Bashan, along with the loud sound, I close my eyes.

Enduring the shock, when I opened my eyes… there was Masato, who had thrown away his umbrella and stepped into the stream without any hesitation.

“Whoops… are you okay?”

“Wh…y.”

Even in a situation like this, Masato is wearing that smile, unchanged from always.

“It worked out perfectly. I wanted to apologize to you, Seira-san.”

At the words uttered, my emotions short-circuit. I don’t have the right to be apologized to.

“…N, no.”

No, the one who should apologize is me.

“My phrasing was terrible, so I made you feel bad, Seira-san, didn’t I?”

No. No, no, no, no!

Masato’s kindness.

And this unbelievable situation of being supported by that Masato, overlapping.

—All at once, my emotions exploded.

“No! No, you’re wrong Masato! The terrible one is me! The one who is ugly and has to apologize is me!”

I drowned in self-interest and did things bordering on stalking.

The lust overflowing in this body, I directed it fully at Masato today.

I conceitedly thought I could be loved.

“I won’t get involved anymore! Because it’s no good if a woman like this is nearby!!!”

That is happiness for Masato.

That’s why.

“So don’t—be kind, to me…!”

My wailing echoed in the park where no one else was, amidst the rain.

…There was a pause where only the sound of rain resonated.

“Seira-san, you’re a tsundere, aren’t you?”

The words finally thrown at me by Masato, who laughed looking a little troubled, were truly incomprehensible.

“What are you, saying…”

“I understand. That this might not be a good thing. I’ve vaguely realized recently that actually, one shouldn’t do things like this.”

“That’s right! A woman coming on to you in such a disgusting way… You hated it, right?! It should be natural to hate me and keep me away—”

“It’s true, I was a little scared. But.”

Slowly, Masato lifts his face.

He looks at my face from the front.

Although wet from the rain, it was the same gentle, kind smile as always.

“I believe there are many things we’ve built up until now, enough that I don’t want to judge you, Seira-san, based on just that.”

“…!”

—Ah.

That was right.

I remember the day I first met Masato.

I was saved by this smile.

“After all, I… just can’t bring myself to hate you, Seira-san.”

I didn’t want him to see my face, messy with tears and rain.

I hugged Masato with all my might.

“Idiot… Idiot, idiot, idiot!!! You big idiot!!”

“…Yes. I am an idiot.”

“You really are an idiot… You should have just left a woman like this alone…!”

The rain that continues to fall washes my heart.

The pitch-black, ugly emotions flow away with the tears.

Gyu, I hugged Masato’s back tightly.

“Can I… Come to the shop again…?”

“Yes, I’ll be waiting.”

“Will you go on a date with me again?”

“That pasta we ate before was delicious, wasn’t it?”

“I might… get jealous again, you know?”

“In moderation, please.”

Masato strokes my wet hair.

It was a strange sensation.

I was happy, blissful.

I felt like my life until now was rewarded for the first time.

Just a little, I pulled my face away and looked at the face of my beloved person.

I don’t think I can say my honest feelings. Or rather, I still don’t have that right. Because Masato is too dazzling for the me who has become sullied.

…But. Is it okay to walk toward him little by little?

Is it okay to make an effort to stand next to a wonderful person, just like back then?

In that case. Maybe I’ll try my best one more time.

…So, for now. leaving my true feelings unspoken.

Putting on a little bit of a front.

“Idiot. It’s not like I like you at all, you know.”

I felt like, for the first time in a very long time.

I was able to smile from the bottom of my heart.