Chapter 1: To Stand by Your Side

───● The Tsundere OL in the Depths of Despair ●○●

I wonder… am I able to smile like the “me” I admired back then?

“…Umm… well…”

Masato looks down, mumbling his words.

That gesture—every single move he makes—is agonizingly endearing.

I couldn’t hold back anymore. The interaction he had with that girl in front of the shop earlier.

Seeing Masato show an expression he had never shown during his time with me.

—An indescribable, pitch-black emotion overflowed from the vessel known as “me,” spilling out in a thick, muddy sludge.

There is no time to waste.

It was inevitable that the women of the world wouldn’t leave such a fine man alone.

That is why I will settle this today.

I will carve my existence clearly into Masato. So that he can never forget me.

I know Masato is weak to pressure.

Just one more push, and plop, this boy will tumble right into my hands.

Imagining myself pinning Masato down—my body burned with uncontrollable heat.

The black emotion is screaming at me to hand over his body, now.

Unable to wait, my hand reaches out toward Masato.

“I’m… sorry.”

…?

It took me several seconds to comprehend.

Why are there words of apology right now?

“Wait, I can’t do that, you know I can’t drink…”

Ah, is that it?

Just that? Then there’s no problem at all.

“It’s fine. Even if you can’t drink. I’ve never cared about that. I just want to be with you, Masato—”

“Excuse me!”

Masato unravels the arm I had wrapped around his waist.

He shakes off my right hand, which I was holding, and places it back on my lap.

Masato shifts away, putting enough space for a whole person between us.

…Eh?

“I’m sorry. You’re… a little scary today, Seira-san.”

—That was a clear rejection.

Masato won’t meet my eyes.

His demeanor looks as if he is frightened of me—.

I felt my heart freeze over rapidly.

It felt as though someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my head.

“—I’m sorry. I think I was a little drunk. I’m going to the restroom.”

For a moment, my voice wouldn’t come out.

I walked briskly toward the restroom.

The hustle and bustle of the shop, the BGM… I can hardly hear them anymore.

Once I reached the restroom and firmly locked the door.

The heat that had been scorching my body just moments ago vanished instantly, and in its place, something surged up.

“Urp… Gh…!”

I vomited with all my might.

Emotions swirled around inside my stomach.

Why?

Why would you say that? Why are you distancing yourself from me?

“I’m sorry.”

I remember Masato’s eyes.

He was rejecting me.

Rejecting my very existence.

“Hah… cough… ugh…”

The nausea wouldn’t stop.

At the fact that I was rejected by the person I love.

At the self who intended to be loved.

And above all.

At the foolish, shallow self who, for just a split second, felt hatred toward the person I love.

My completely frozen body and mind allowed me to view myself objectively, almost to the point of laughter.

“Hahaha… I’m lower than garbage trash.”

Ugly. Far too ugly.

My friends’ words were right.

Masato was only kind to me because he’s an employee. I got carried away by such obvious, superficial kindness.

I conceitedly thought I could be loved.

How comical. I make myself sick.

I must have thought it a thousand times. That Masato is too good for me. And yet, I clung to him, hanging on disgracefully.

And today. I exposed the most shallow, base parts of a woman in front of Masato.

“Haha…”

A dry laugh escaped me involuntarily.

There’s no saving her, is there? This woman me.

I reached a single conclusion.

Let’s stop.

A vulgar, shallow woman like this has no value in being involved with Masato.

If I were Masato’s classmate, I would use any means necessary to eliminate this woman. That is how harmful and filthy she is.

So, let’s end it.

It was a dream-like story to begin with. These past few months.

Let’s pretend it never happened.

Masato is kind, so I think if I came here again, he would still deal with me.

But then, this shallow version of me would get conceited again.

So, goodbye.

That is best. For Masato’s sake, too.

Let’s forget. Let’s give up.

No more, absolutely nothing with Masato—

“Welcome, My lady. You came again.”

“I know that you are a kind person, Seira-san.”

“Listening to your stories like usual, Seira-san… I actually like it quite a bit.”

Something large and wet rolled down my cheeks, drop by drop.

“No… I don’t want to… Masato… Masato…!”

After vomiting up all the pitch-black emotions.

I wonder if this emotion spilling from my eyes has become… even just a little bit beautiful?

I apologized to Masato, paid the bill, and left the shop.

A bewildered Masato called out to stop me, but it doesn’t matter.

We will likely never meet again.

My face was swollen from crying, so I must look terrible right now.

Well, it suits my current situation.

Walking aimlessly through the town, I found myself arriving at the park on the opposite side of the station before I knew it.

Only the streetlights illuminated the pitch-black park path.

“…In the end, I just went back to those days.”

These past few months were just a dream.

From now on, only a colorless life begins again.

—Ah, what should I tell Miki?

I have to tell my classmates, too, that they were right.

Everything is so stupid.

Thinking that I might become even a little bit happy.

Thinking that I might be loved.

You won’t be loved. Not a woman like this.

Jealous in such an ugly way, getting conceited when I’m just a customer.

There is no reason to be loved.

With hollow eyes, I looked at the photo folder on my smartphone.

Nostalgic photos from my student days.

I remember the days I spent working hard, believing that a wonderful person would appear someday.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Are you an idiot or what?”

How could I not laugh?

This is the end of the road. For the woman who disgracefully yearned for a fairy tale.

I went back to the home screen and opened my SNS.

The name pinned at the top of the contact list.

<Masato>

…There’s no point in keeping it.

Let’s block him. If I do that, no more harm will come to Masato.

I tap through until I reach the block confirmation screen.

The system message reads: Do you want to block this contact?

Yeah. This is the optimal solution.

If Masato becomes happy, then that’s enough.

—And yet.

Why are my hands shaking?

“Pathetic…”

Somewhere in my heart, I haven’t given up.

A woman foolish and shallow to the bitter end.

In the end, without any meaning, I stood there for a while.