───● The Literary High School Girl’s Realization ●○●
“Alright, make sure you get this homework done by next week!”
“…Okay.”
Today’s highly appreciated tutoring session with Masato-san had come to an end.
I had come to the front door to see him off.
“Next week will probably be our last session for the year, right?”
“Ah, yeah, probably.”
Before I knew it, the end of the year was already upon us. Classes were wrapping up soon, and it felt like time was flying by—especially since I met Masato-san.
“Well, it’s getting cold out, so take care of yourself!”
“I will. You take care too, Masato-san.”
See ya, Masato-san said as the door closed. I kept waving until it was shut… and only lowered my hand slowly once he was entirely out of sight.
Today’s tutoring session had ended just like it always did.
“Shiori~, dinner’s almost ready~”
“Okaaaay.”
Letting my mom’s voice wash over me, I headed upstairs to my room. My textbooks were still scattered across my desk, but I ignored them and dove straight onto my bed.
“…Is this a total flatline?”
I cooled off instantly. If there was a sound effect for it, it would be a flat poof.
Did you see that? The way he handled me. Like, excuse me, I’m not a baby?
Today… since I actually had the chance to get physical with Masato-san, I thought I’d try putting into practice what Yuka-sensei had taught me.
Yuka-sensei had leaped at Masato-san and hugged him without a shred of hesitation, and he had actually looked embarrassed about it.
So I thought I wanted to do at least that much. Taking advantage of the arm wrestling we did, I tried diving right into Masato-san’s chest.
“He completely didn’t take me seriously, did he?”
I recalled what had happened earlier. I’d jumped at his chest, only for him to effortlessly scoop me up and plop me back down in front of my desk.
To be perfectly honest, I got kind of turned on by the way he manhandled me—cough cough. No, wait, that’s not the point here. If you asked me whether a guy would do that to a girl he consciously saw as a woman… the answer is NO. Definitely NO. That was literally no different from how you’d treat some little kid from the neighborhood.
I fished my phone out of my pocket and, eyes vacant, fired off a message to the group chat.
Holy Maiden Gathering:
Shinomiya Shiori: “I think my chances might have flatlined.”
There, that should do it.
“Haaah…”
A heavy sigh slipped past my lips. Sure, I had thought that staying in our current relationship dynamic was fine, but a part of me still wanted to be a little touchy-feely with Masato-san. After hearing Yuka-sensei’s story, I thought I’d finally seen a ray of hope.
But once I actually opened the lid, this was what I got.
My phone immediately buzzed with a notification.
Holy Maiden Gathering
Mana: “Wait, flatlined? Does that mean you died?”
Hatsumi: “I… see. Shiori, you were a good kid.”
“These idiots…”
They were always messing around. With supersonic flick-input speed, I hammered out a reply. If there were a one-handed thumb-typing Olympics, I was confident I could represent Japan.
Holy Maiden Gathering
Shinomiya Shiori: “Don’t just kill me off.”
Shinomiya Shiori: “I tried to get a little physical with Masato-san, but he handled me like he was pacifying a neighborhood toddler.”
I lethargically went to turn off my phone, but a flurry of notifications popped up instantly.
Holy Maiden Gathering
Mana: “lmao”
Mana: “I mean, he ain’t wrong tho”
Hatsumi: “You basically are a neighborhood brat”
Miaki: “Like I said before, it all comes down to ‘what Shiori wants to do,’ right? If you’re happy with how things are now, then there’s no need to change.”
I made a mental note to strangle Mana and Hatsumi later… but I could tell Miaki was genuinely trying to help. And she had a point. It wasn’t like keeping things the way they were was a bad thing. Having an unbelievably hot guy like Masato-san as my tutor was already a massive blessing. I couldn’t help but feel that asking for anything more would just be greedy.
I was painfully aware of my own worth.
Sitting up, I pulled one of my favorite light novels from the bookshelf next to me.
The cover featured a cool hero standing next to the heroine. A heroine who was incredibly cute and had a wonderful personality to match.
No matter how much I tried to dress myself up in cute clothes, my fundamental nature wouldn’t change. Entertaining the thought of becoming Masato-san’s girlfriend was the height of hubris. I knew that much.
“Knowing my place… might be pretty important, huh.”
Come to think of it, even though she was younger, Yuka-sensei was incredibly cute, too. She definitely had the charm and personality to be a heroine in her own right.
“Shiori~, dinner’s ready~!”
“…Coming!”
I slid the book back onto the shelf and left my room.
The only thing I knew for sure right now was that every single member of the Holy Maiden Gathering possessed the sheer specs required to represent Japan in the one-handed thumb-typing Olympics.
When I headed downstairs, Mom had already finished making dinner. All I had to do was carry the food to the table, pour the drinks, and set out the chopsticks.
Thanks as always, I thought, though I didn’t say it out loud.
“Thanks for the food,” we said in unison.
The two of us dug into our meal. Yep. Another SS-tier meal today.
“Is studying going well?”
“Yeah. My grades have gone up, too.”
“Is that right? It’s all thanks to Masato-kun~”
“Well, he definitely gave my motivation a buff.”
I had spent a lot more time hitting the books, purely because I wanted to look good in front of Masato-san. It was an undeniable fact that it had directly translated into a spike in my grades.
“It would be nice if you could get into the same university as him.”
“…Yeah.”
The same university, huh. It really would be a dream come true if a future like that awaited me.
…But at the same time, if I wanted that to happen, wouldn’t it be better to just maintain our current dynamic?
Eating in silence, I stole a glance at Mom. She was cheerfully chewing away, as carefree and laid-back as ever.
“…Hey, Mom.”
“Hm?”
I figured I’d try asking her.
Even though she was married, she still frequented a boys’ bar—she was an absolutely ridiculous person, but it was an undeniable fact that she had managed to successfully snag a husband.
“If I said… I wanted to date Masato-san, would you think that’s weird?”
“Not at all. How is that weird? Isn’t it totally natural?”
An instant reply. Well, I guess she had a point.
“If I were twenty years younger, I’d be making a move on him myself…”
“I seriously don’t want to hear that.”
I don’t need to hear that! Mom just laughed it off with an “I’m kidding, kidding,” before continuing.
“You just don’t find good guys like him easily. With boys being as rare as they are these days, he’s so precious the government ought to protect him.”
“Right…?”
I’d met my fair share of boys over the years, but I had never encountered anyone quite like Masato-san. He was just too perfect in every conceivable way.
“So, I was thinking… he’s probably way out of my league, isn’t he?”
Since she clearly recognized exactly how much of a catch Masato-san was, I wanted her honest opinion. Mom set down her chopsticks and went hmm as she mulled it over.
“Who cares about leagues? It’s not like you can lie to yourself about your feelings now, right?”
“Ugh…”
She just said something incredibly pure… coming from someone who practically lives at a boys’ bar…
“But you know, you can’t be absolutely sure if you genuinely like him or not, can you?”
“Huh?”
“Well, think about it. He’s incredibly dreamy and super rare, isn’t he? Plus, you’ve got this whole ‘private tutor’ dynamic going on—it’s the perfect setup to trigger a crush. So isn’t there a chance that you’re just idolizing him because he’s a highly sought-after, top-tier guy?”
“…I… guess?”
I had never even considered it. I thought I had fallen head over heels in love with Masato-san at some point along the way, but her question made me wonder if it was actually just “admiration.”
“I mean, it’s totally fine if it’s just admiration. But you might want to put that admiration aside for a second and really think about whether you actually love Masato-kun as a person.”
S-She’s actually making a lot of sense…
I pondered her words. It was definitely true that I admired Masato-san. The possibility that I was mistaking that admiration for genuine romantic love…
I couldn’t exactly deny that it was a non-zero chance.
The first thing that came to mind was right after Masato-san became my tutor. I had picked up that same light novel from my room… and looking at the incredibly cute heroine on the cover, I had felt the need to make myself at least a little bit cuter so I could be worthy of the hero.
In other words, I was subconsciously operating on the formula of ‘Hero = Masato-san.’
Like a hero straight out of a story… That was my very first impression of him.
Wasn’t that literally the definition of ‘admiration’…?
And then there was that day I suspected he might be involved with multiple other women. The day he had carried me on his back, and I had spotted a hickey on his neck.
In that moment, I realized that Masato-san had other special women in his life. But the emotion that surged through me wasn’t jealousy or despair—it was excitement. It sent shivers down my spine.
Normally, a girl my age who was genuinely in love would feel something entirely different upon discovering that.
Maybe the reason I felt that way was because my feelings for Masato-san were rooted in admiration, not true romantic love?
If it wasn’t actual love, if I merely viewed him as some untouchable hero, then that would explain why I was able to accept the presence of other women so easily.
As my spirits plummeted, an unpleasant sweat beaded on my back.
“…I don’t really… know.”
Feeling like admitting it would be game over, I squeezed out a response heavily laden with denial.
“Well, you might be right. You’ve never really interacted with guys before, after all.”
Shut up. But she wasn’t wrong. As a certified potato-girl, my experience interacting with the opposite sex was staggeringly low. Hearing her point it out just caused my confidence to drain away completely.
“…But you know, if that’s not the case, and you realize you genuinely love him,”
Mom gave me a rare, bright smile, looking me squarely in the eye.
“Then you need to go all-in without holding anything back. You’re my daughter, so I know you can do it.”
“Don’t just casually dump that on me…”
If I could actually do that, my life would be on easy mode.
Still, it might be worth thinking about for a bit. My feelings for Masato-san. Was it mere admiration, or was it true love?
Once I had my answer, I could figure out what to do about my relationship with him.
If it was just admiration, then staying exactly as we were now was perfectly fine.
Having made up my mind, I picked up my chopsticks to resume eating. Right in front of me, Mom propped her chin in her hands.
“Haaah~ I want to experience romance again… Maybe I should hit up the bar.”
…I sincerely wished I could get a refund on the brief moment of respect I had just felt for this woman.