───● A Tsundere Office Worker Can Be Told ●○●
“Haa…”
The first thing I did upon returning to my apartment was sigh.
Even though I’d spent a few days back at my parents’ house for the New Year holidays, it was hard to call those days enjoyable.
“What do they mean, ‘hurry up and get married’? Mind your own business.”
I took off my winter coat and tucked it away in the closet.
All I heard when I went home was “Do you have a boyfriend?” or “Hurry up and get married.”
…Is that all they have to talk about?
Well, considering we live in a world where the male population is dwindling, I understand why my relatives feel the need to warn me.
Still, compared to the days when I lived without any purpose, things are much better now, so cut me some slack.
I actually buy casual clothes now. I even take care of my hair.
And it’s all thanks to Masato.
Even now, I think about how truly miserable I was before I met him.
I felt no meaning in life, merely drifting aimlessly through my days. Shivers run down my spine when I think about what would have happened if I’d stayed like that…
Even the relatives I hadn’t seen in a while told me they were relieved to see me looking so well.
…Though naturally, I didn’t tell them why.
While I was taking my time in the bath and then drying my hair, a notification popped up on my phone.
This notification sound… it’s from Masato. Of course, I’d set a custom tone just for his messages, so I’d know immediately.
Masato: “I’ll be at work tomorrow too~! I don’t really have a family home to go back to, so I just stayed here lol”
Masato: “Ah, please don’t worry about me at all! I actually really like my current living situation.”
“…He’s just too cute.”
His kindness—not wanting to make me feel bad about his family situation—shined through in just those two messages.
Tomorrow is Friday, but since it’s still technically the New Year holidays, I’d thought maybe he wouldn’t be working, but it seems my worries were unfounded.
Festa itself also opens tomorrow, so the timing was perfect.
Seira: “I see. I’ll come see you tomorrow then.”
Seira: “I love that about you—how you always consider others first.”
Lately, I’ve been sending him things like this without a shred of embarrassment.
If you ask me whether it’s a good change, honestly I’m not entirely sure, but I suppose it’s better than when I used to stalk him fueled by dark, obsessive emotions.
After finishing drying my hair and doing my skincare routine, I dove into bed.
Work doesn’t start until the day after tomorrow, so I still have tomorrow off.
Since it’s a rare chance to see Masato in casual clothes, I need to decide what to wear.
That being said, I can afford to sleep in a bit, so to rest my tired body even a little, I think I’ll indulge in sleeping through the morning.
While I was making these vague plans for tomorrow, I got another notification from Masato.
Before I knew it, it was late enough to be considered the dead of night.
Masato: “Yes! I’ll be waiting for you!”
Masato: “No, it’s nothing like that… lol“
Honestly, he’s such a shy boy. Well, that’s what makes him the cutest in the universe.
Figuring the conversation was probably over, I was just about to set my phone down on the bed and reply a bit later…
When it chimed again.
Wondering what it could be, I picked up my phone once more.
Masato: “Ah, come to think of it, there’s something I need to talk to you about tomorrow, so I’m just letting you know now so I don’t forget.”
My body jolted, freezing in place.
Something he needs to talk to me about…?
If I were still in middle or high school, I might have gotten all giddy, thinking, “Wait, a confession…?!”
But I know better than to expect something like that now. I could feel my body, just warmed from the bath, suddenly turning ice cold.
What could it be?
Is he quitting the bar…? No, if it were just that, it’d still be fine.
Worst case scenario, he got a girlfriend and wants me to stop seeing him… That’s entirely possible.
It’s strange enough that he hasn’t had a girlfriend until now. Even if he doesn’t have one, what if he found someone he likes and wants to cut ties with me…?
Every possibility that crossed my mind was something terrible.
Of course, this could just be me being overly negative.
But looking at it objectively, the chances of it being good news for me were basically zero.
Trying to ignore the chill in my body, I curled up under the covers.
If what he tells me tomorrow is exactly what I’m imagining…
“Will tomorrow be the last time… I get to see him?”
Nothing’s decided yet.
It might turn out to be something completely trivial.
Even as I tried to convince myself, the dark thoughts wouldn’t stop.
Eventually, I ended up shoving my tear-soaked pillow into the corner of the bed.
The next day.
“Happy New Year, Seira-san.”
“Yes, Happy New Year, Masato.”
I arrived at the bar at my usual time and met up with Masato.
I ended up not sleeping a wink all night, but since I slept in all morning, I somehow had enough energy to function.
However, as the time to see Masato drew nearer, my heart started pounding violently, and even now, it’s taking everything I have just to feign composure.
“…Huh, Seira-san, do you look a bit pale? Are you not feeling well?”
“No, it’s nothing like that. I’m perfectly fine.”
It seemed Masato noticed too, so I took a sip of the highball I’d ordered to play it off.
Realizing there was only so much I could hide with alcohol, I decided to rip the band-aid off.
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
I broached the subject right away.
“Ah~… Um, well…”
Perhaps he hadn’t expected me to bring it up so suddenly, but Masato, dressed in his usual suit, looked up at the ceiling, seemingly struggling to find the words.
Just seeing that reaction made me think it wasn’t going to be anything good for me, and my heart clenched even tighter.
“Um, Seira-san… You, well… You like me, right? Am I… mistaken…?”
“Huh?”
For a moment, I was taken aback.
But my brain properly registered the meaning of his words, and I felt bad for Masato, who was scrambling to rephrase it, muttering, “That sounded super creepy, um…”
“Yes. You’re not mistaken at all. I am the woman who loves you more than anyone else in the world.”
“That’s one heck of a fastball out of nowhere?!”
He hasn’t even had anything to drink, yet his face was turning red. He’s so cute.
This reaction is exactly why I work so hard every week.
…After a brief pause.
Masato cleared his throat.
“Um, even though you told me that, I feel like… it’s not right for me to just never give you an answer,” he said.
“…”
I immediately thought, Stop. I wondered why.
“Actually, like I mentioned before, there are other girls besides you, Seira-san, who have told me how they feel. I feel bad dragging this out indefinitely, I suppose,” Masato added.
I couldn’t bear to hear the rest, so I just looked down.
“So, um… I’ve decided to come up with my own answer by March of this year, so I was hoping you could wait until then,” he explained.
“…March…?” I asked softly.
“Yes. I’ll organize my thoughts, think it over, and give you an answer by then,” he replied.
I looked up and met Masato’s gaze.
His expression was completely serious.
I reaffirmed that he was the first person I had ever truly fallen in love with in my entire life.
At the same time, despair washed over my heart.
“Um, look, I told you before, didn’t I? I don’t mind just being your backup option. You really don’t have to rush…” I pleaded.
“I still can’t do that,” he said gently. “You’re a wonderful person, Seira-san. I think it would be insincere of me to never give you an answer.”
It was no use. Masato’s resolve was firm and unwavering.
A sickening chill surged from within my chest, and I desperately grabbed Masato’s hands.
“H-Hey. Then, after March passes… Are you going to quit the bar…?” I choked out.
“W-Wait, please calm down, Seira-san. It’s okay, it’ll be okay,” he reassured me.
He rubbed my back.
This was bad. I was acting just like I used to.
To calm myself down, I took another sip of my highball.
“At this point, I’m not thinking about quitting the bar or anything like that. I can’t even afford to live if I don’t work here, anyway,” Masato explained.
“I-I see…” I murmured.
At the very least, I had avoided the worst-case scenario where today would be the last day I ever saw Masato.
But even so, I didn’t know what the future held.
Masato was saying this now, but what if the girl he chose told him she didn’t want him working at the bar anymore?
If I were Masato’s classmate and found out he was serving a woman like me in a place like this, I definitely wouldn’t feel good about it.
I hugged myself tightly, trying to ward off the chill I felt.
Those awful thoughts kept circling in my head long after that.
“Seira-san, are you okay…? I’m sorry, that wasn’t exactly a pleasant conversation, was it…?” he asked worriedly.
“No, I’m fine. Actually, I’m sorry. You really don’t need to worry about it, Masato,” I forced a smile.
I patched things up with my words. I distracted myself by drinking.
Since I knew today wouldn’t be our last day together, I tried my best not to look gloomy, and I enjoyed the rest of my day with Masato.
Masato looked a little worried, but I just told him, “See you next week,” like usual, and left the bar.
And then, on my way home after getting off the train, walking through the dark park, I thought about it again.
“March…” I muttered to myself.
Three months left.
That was the time limit I had been given.
How wonderful it would have been if this made me the kind of woman who could say, I have to work hard so he’ll choose me!
“Hahaha… Like that’s ever gonna happen,” I laughed dryly.
It was so absurd that a dry laugh escaped my lips.
Impossible.
There wasn’t a single chance he’d choose me.
I remembered the time I first met Masato.
And everything I had done to him since then.
I had stalked him, creepily cozied up to him, and clung to him pathetically. Even though it wouldn’t have been surprising if he cut ties with me at any moment, the only reason he hadn’t was because he was kind.
I kicked the damp dirt ground with my heel, knowing it wouldn’t make me feel any better.
I knew the girls who were close to Masato.
That college girl was so bright and cute. She was a far better match for him than I ever could be.
Besides, I could never be forgiven.
I hadn’t told him that I stalked him.
Of course, I had already deleted the note, and in the end, I never used it for anything.
But the fact that I had stalked him and learned his real name and address remained unchanged.
I had no “qualifications.”
At that point, I was the only one who had lost the right to stand by his side.
I knew that, which was why I pathetically clung to him, telling him, “I don’t mind just being your backup option.”
I harbored the ugly desire to somehow be allowed to stay with him.
I looked up at the sky, and saw nothing but clouds spreading out.
I couldn’t see them. Neither the moon nor the stars.
…March.
In three months, the time of judgment would come.
The time I had left to spend with Masato was only three months.
“Well, I suppose so. A guy like him… was just out of my reach…” I choked out.
My voice wouldn’t come out right.
I didn’t want this.
I didn’t want to go back to the days when I couldn’t even find a reason to live, just like back then.
I didn’t want to go back to those days when my boss mocked me and my friends looked at me with pity in their eyes.
…Then, I should just force him to…
“Stop… stop it!” I cried out.
I desperately brushed away the filthy emotions welling up in my chest.
I had sworn to myself that I would never be swayed by these dark feelings again.
Then, I realized where I was.
I was on the bridge over the park’s pond, the one I always walked across. It was the same place Masato had chased after me on that rainy day when I ran out of the bar.
I had sworn right here. I swore I would become someone worthy of standing by his side.
I slowly began to walk again.
So… if the time comes when he chooses someone else, I will gracefully disappear from Masato’s life.
Because that would definitely be for the best for him.
…Anyway, I’ll just enjoy my time with him to the fullest for these last three months.
Because it might be the last fun time I ever have in my life.
With that, I desperately pretended to shift my mindset.
I crossed the bridge in the empty park.
…Thank goodness. Thank goodness I’m in an empty park in the dead of night.
…Because no one would ever want to hear the sobs of such an ugly woman.