───● The Literature High School Girl Goes a Bit Too Far ●○●
“Haa…”
I’ve been sighing a lot lately.
And the closer it gets to the weekend, the more frequent it becomes.
An event that I used to purely look forward to, I now face with complicated feelings.
The cause, of course, is Masato-san.
Just when I thought Yuka-sensei had given me courage, it ended up ending in failure.
And after what Mom said, now I have to figure out if I truly even like Masato-san.
“You know, you’re way too easy to read. Thinking about your Prince Charming again?” someone teased.
“Oh, you mean that Prince Charming who utterly defeated her?” another added.
“A while ago, she used to be so hyper on Fridays that it was annoying,” said a third.
Surrounded by the usual group, I was slumped over my desk.
The culture festival is over, and we’re nearing the end of the second term. I should be in the prime of my youth, yet the sky in my heart remains completely overcast.
“What’s with this sudden ‘I might not actually like my Prince Charming’ stuff? Did you give up?” one of them asked.
“Did seeing him get assaulted by a middle schooler turn you off?”
“I mean, going after such a wide age range… that Prince Charming is quite the player…”
“Shut up, shut up, shut uuup!” I yelled.
Unable to bear the unreserved conversation flying back and forth over my head, I swung my arms wildly.
“Don’t throw a tantrum… It’s the truth, isn’t it?” Hatsumi asked.
When Hatsumi, who is still tanned even though summer is over, bluntly pointed it out, all I could do was groan.
“So the Prince was a playboy after all…” Mana mused.
“He’s not… a playboy,” I muttered.
A playboy is someone who switches between multiple women.
But Masato-sama isn’t that type. He unwittingly attracts girls, but I know better than anyone that he doesn’t act that way out of malice or a desire for validation.
“So, why’d you start thinking that?”
“Well, thinking about it objectively, I haven’t really talked to guys much… so I was thinking maybe I just admire him.”
“Well, I do think you definitely admire him, but still.”
Even after thinking about it for a while, I couldn’t come up with an answer myself. Is it “love” or “admiration”? For someone with zero romantic experience like me, this problem was just too difficult.
“I have a good idea,” Mana chimed in.
“Please tell me!” I begged.
Mana raised her index finger with a smug look, so I clung to her. I’m in a state where I’d grasp at straws right now!
Perhaps pleased by my reaction, Mana crossed her arms with an even more triumphant hmph.
“Just ask him as a hail mary! Be like, ‘Will you please sleep with me?!‘” Mana suggested proudly.
“What the hell are you saying?” Hatsumi retorted.
“Idiot, with these things, just doing the deed is the fastest way! If you sleep with him, you’ll be able to tell if you like him or not!” Mana argued.
“I see,” I replied, nodding.
“Hey, Shiori, are you insane? You’ll just get labeled a total freak, and for the record, this girl’s a virgin too!” Hatsumi yelled.
Mana’s suggestion is ridiculous. But I was so desperate that I didn’t even have the leeway to just laugh it off; I took it seriously.
“Hey, she’s actually considering it,” Hatsumi pointed out.
“It’ll be sad to watch my friend get arrested,” another friend sighed.
Ignoring what these guys are saying…
That specific idea is obviously a no-go, but I feel like the general direction isn’t terrible. Right now, it’s certain that Masato-san doesn’t have a specific partner yet.
If so, then right now…
If I push for it a little, there might be a chance he’d allow some physical contact?
I feel like Yuka-sensei also said that being a bit forceful is fine.
I don’t have even a micron of confidence that I can become his girlfriend, but I am confident that he views me favorably.
Lately, he’s told me I’m very easy to talk to. Well, judging by how he treated me the other day, it’s definitely not in a romantic way, though.
If I press for just a little bit of physical contact, I might be able to figure out if these feelings I harbor are truly “love.”
“She’s a lost cause. She seriously has the face of a criminal right now,” Hatsumi deadpanned.
“Hasn’t she always looked like that?” Mana added.
“Okay, you’ve crossed the line,” I snapped.
When I finally snapped and stood up, Hatsumi and Mana scattered like baby spiders, laughing, “Whoa, she’s pissed~ lol.”
“They’re way too rude…”
“Well, you did have a pretty scary, overly serious look on your face just now, Shiori.”
“Ugh…”
Miaki, the only one who remained nearby, said that languidly while carefully doing her nails.
Miaki has a boyfriend.
We always tease Miaki, who has been dating him for quite a while now, but deep down, we genuinely respect her for it.
That’s why I felt like asking her a little something.
“Hey, Miaki, was there a specific moment when you realized you liked your current boyfriend?” I asked.
“…Hmm, a moment when I realized it, huh,” she replied.
Miaki spread her hand to admire her beautifully painted nails, then pondered for a moment with a soft, “Hmm.”
“I don’t think there was a clear one, really. Before I knew it, I just liked him. When I thought, ‘I want to be with this guy,’ I just realized, oh, I guess I like him.”
“I-Is that how it works?”
“Love is an ambiguous emotion to begin with, so isn’t it normal not to have a clear ‘I started liking him from this exact moment’? It’s not like there’s a rule saying you can’t fall in love unless you have some dramatic encounter.”
“…”
“I don’t really know what you’re agonizing over, Shiori. But if you’re thinking that you don’t have the qualification to be chosen by Masato-san just because you don’t even know if you ‘like’ him… I don’t think you need to worry about that at all.”
Miaki’s observation hit the nail right on the head.
“You… think so?”
“Yeah, I do. You don’t need to worry about any ‘qualifications.’ Besides, even if your Prince Charming had multiple partners, the idea that loving only one person equals being faithful is going to change soon anyway. They’ll probably introduce polygamy soon enough. When that happens, as long as I’m included in that circle, I think I’d be fine with it.”
“Though if I got dumped, I’d totally cling to him,” Miaki added jokingly.
As expected, Miaki is so mature in her thinking. She’s completely different from me.
…I tried to think about it a bit more.
Are these feelings I hold not “admiration,” but “love”?
Hypothetically, let’s say it is “love.” And if Masato-san ended up dating multiple people…
Could someone like me even fit into that circle?
…No matter how many times I thought about it, I couldn’t confidently believe that I could “fit in.”
Then came the next day, which I faced after organizing my feelings a bit.
While I was enjoying my tutoring session with Masato-san just like always, a shocking truth was dropped on me.
“W-Wait just a second. Did you just say ‘also’? Does that mean, from multiple people…?” I asked, my voice shaking.
Lately, Masato-san had been looking more and more troubled.
Guessing that his worries were ninety-nine percent likely to be women-related, I put on the air of an understanding, reliable woman who could give him advice and listened to what he had to say.
However, it was completely outside my expectations—that he had received “confessions” from multiple people—and that was exactly why I was so shocked.
“No… way…”
But thinking about it calmly, this was entirely predictable.
I was simply being way too optimistic in thinking that everything would be “fine” forever.
It should have been obvious with a little thought that the world wouldn’t just leave such a wonderful person alone forever.
“Sorry, sorry, it’s not fun listening to this kind of talk, is it?” Masato-san apologized.
“No, um… it’s not a matter of it being fun or not, but…” I trailed off.
My emotions swirled around in circles. I could feel my own heartbeat quickening.
If he were to accept a confession. If he started dating someone. If I then said, “Well, me too…”, would I be accepted?
It’s impossible.
That applies to Masato-san, of course, but above all, the woman who got to him first would never allow it.
If I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t want to allow it either.
Masato-san looked at me with concern.
Even that expression felt endearing to me.
Even if he might be willing to date multiple people, Masato-san’s time is finite.
No matter how much of a perfect superhuman he might be, there’s no way he could date 10 people at once.
Knowing Masato-san’s personality… he wouldn’t do something like neglect the girl he started dating first.
“C-Could you give me a moment?! I have to, um, go grind for a massive amount of flowers right now, yes.”
I rushed out of the room to sort out my chaotic thoughts.
I reached the bathroom, closed the door, and took a deep breath.
I slid down to the floor, burying my face in my hands.
“Haa…”
I never imagined things would turn out like this.
I feel like an idiot for thinking just a few hours ago, “For now, I’ll just enjoy my time with Masato-san.”
I uncovered my face and stared down at my hands.
“…Does this mean this might be my last chance?”
If I just normally listen to Masato-san’s consultation right now, and he ends up thinking, “Maybe I should try dating them,” then…
Masato-san will probably never date me.
Which means it wouldn’t be strange if today was my absolute final chance.
Because I only get to see him once a week.
If he tells me next week, “I started dating someone,” I have no confidence that I’ll be able to feign composure.
In the worst-case scenario, I won’t be able to see him anymore…?
—The moment I thought we might not be able to see each other anymore, all my memories with Masato-san flooded my mind.
“You’re very lovely, Shiori-san. When we first met earlier, I thought you were a beautiful girl.”
“I think I might want to see more of that side of you, Shiori-chan.”
“I already know so many other wonderful things about Shinomiya Shiori-chan, so there’s no way I’d hate you or be put off by just that.”
“Ah, I can’t.”
Something traced a single line down my cheek.
I realized, far too late, that for me, Masato-san disappearing from my life was more unbearable than anything else.
“Hahaha… what is this, it doesn’t make any sense.”
Thinking it might be “admiration” instead of “love.”
Thinking that as long as I could stay by his side, it was fine.
Thinking that it was okay even if I wasn’t his number one.
…I was always just running away.
Only now, faced with the possibility of losing our connection, is my heart screaming that it doesn’t want this.
Only after going through all that did an idiot like me finally understand.
The feelings I harbor for Masato-san. They are definitely not something like “admiration.” Well, I can’t definitively say there’s no admiration mixed in, but I only finally understood it now that I’m in a situation where I might be discarded.
I “love” Masato-san so much that there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it anymore.
The moment I fell in love, or whether someone like me is worthy—none of that matters. The fact that right now I love Masato-san so much I can’t stand it is an absolute reality.
No matter how much I try to keep up appearances, that won’t change.
No matter what, I’m just a trash-tier loner to the bitter end.
…I wiped away my tears and took another deep breath.
Making Masato-san wait too long will only trouble him.
Let’s just focus on what I need to do right now.
The moment I thought that, I suddenly remembered what I had talked about with my friends yesterday.
“Just ask him as a hail mary! Be like, ‘Will you please sleep with me?!'”
—In extreme terms.
The reason Masato-san is talking to me so comfortably right now is because he doesn’t see me as a romantic interest. I understood that perfectly well from how he treated me the other day.
But, if I initiate some physical contact, even if I have to be a little forceful.
To be specific, if I go as far as, say, kissing him.
I might at least be able to make him conscious of me.
Yuka-sensei said it too. What’s needed is “courage.”
My heart rate spiked again.
Can a bottom-tier loner like me really pull something like that off?
“…I have to go.”
No, I just have to do it.
If I still want to see Masato-san, if I wish to stay by his side.
I have no choice but to do it.
I returned to my room.
“I’m really sorry, Shiori-chan. That wasn’t a very pleasant topic to listen to, was it?” he said.
“O-Oh, no, not at all, that’s, um, not a problem, but…” I stammered.
“It’s just so easy to talk to you, Shiori-chan, that I end up bringing up stuff like this. It’s not good of me,” he admitted.
“A-U-Umm, a-about that,” I stuttered.
I have to say it.
My heart was pounding. Whipping my legs that felt like they were about to start trembling at any moment, I stepped closer to Masato-san.
“U-Um, it’s v-very much appreciated that you feel I’m easy to talk to, yes, truly,” I managed to say.
“R-Right…?” he replied, looking a bit confused.
“A-And why might that be, by the way?” I pressed.
“Once you stopped acting so formal, Shiori-chan, it just felt really calming to talk to you. Because I’m having fun, I don’t feel nervous… Something like that, I guess?” Masato-san explained.
“I-I see~ That makes me v-very happy,” I replied.
Masato-san’s expression relaxed in relief.
But, that won’t do.
“B-But!!” I suddenly exclaimed.
Masato-san’s eyes widened in surprise.
I peered up into his beautiful eyes from below.
“U-Um…”
—Ah, I’m truly so lame right up to the very end.
I’m sure a heroine in a story wouldn’t struggle to find the right words at a moment like this.
…But even if I’m lame, even if I’m a massive otaku, this person accepted me anyway.
“J-Just so you know, I-I’m a girl, too, you know,” I stammered.
My face was burning hot.
Masato-san froze in surprise.
N-Now’s my only chance!
Driven by my emotions, I dove into Masato-san’s chest.
“Shiori-chan?!” he cried out.
Throwing all caution to the wind.
Using all my strength, I pushed Masato-san down onto the bed.
“I-I l-love you too, Masato-san!” I shouted.
Spitting out everything I wanted to say.
In order to dedicate my first kiss to the person I loved so dearly.
I boldly moved in to steal his lips, and then—
Thud, a dull sound echoed.
My first kiss, fueled by a bit too much momentum……resulted in my face colliding directly with Masato-san’s cheek.
…It just completely failed.
[ Case: Shinomiya Shiori ]
Group Chat: Holy Maiden Gathering (4)
[20:12] Shiori:
Hey guys
[20:12] Shiori:
Tbh, I think I might not actually like Masato-sama after all
[20:13] Panda (Hatsumi):
U good? Did you hit your head or something?
[20:15] Rose (Mana):
Wait, but you were literally in full “i wuv him so so much” mode just a second ago??
[20:16] Shiori:
I never said that… but the fact that I can’t even completely deny it is so frustrating ugh
[20:28] Squirrel (Miaki):
And? What makes you think that?
[20:29] Shiori:
IdkーーI’ve just completely confused myself at this point
[20:31] Panda (Hatsumi):
Stop overthinking. Just let your lower body decide.
[20:32] Rose (Mana):
Yeah. Do you want him to sleep with you, or not?
[20:33] Shiori:
I WANT HIM TO SLEEP WITH ME!!! AT FULL THROTTLE IF POSSIBLE!!!
[20:35] Panda (Hatsumi):
Well, there’s your answer.
[20:35] Rose (Mana):
b
[20:40] Squirrel (Miaki):
…You guys are actually cooked.
